Blessed are the merciful.

Perpignan adventures have ended, thus this blog has sadly come to an end.

Follow my new adventures at :

gentlywhisperhope.tumblr.com

As the first ray of light softly beamed through the all-encompassing darkness, there you stood in golden warmth.

As the untouched dust rose up from the earth, you breathed out life and poured creator in creation.

As the hands that formed the sweeping mountains to the intricacies of the rose became engrained with lines of labour, you wove together humanity and divine.

As your fingertips met the vacant vulnerability of blind eyes and the painful cry of oppression, you healed and choked the depths of disease.

As the pangs of hunger increased and faith diminished, you, bread of life, brought plenitude.

As temptation tried to lure you into iniquity, you vanquished evil and brought down heavenly hosts.

As man beguiled and faces sneered, you, everything, became nothing.

As the harrowing pierce of nail in flesh resounded and love poured crimson down, the weight of your cross bore the weight of the world.

As love himself appeared to man in righteous robes, so we were liberated from death’s heavy chains.

As creation groans for revelation, your light diffuses into the present, bringing truth and life.

I have just one week left of croissant eating and français speaking before making my highly anticipated journey home. I am longing to step off ryan air’s narrow and precarious steps to be met with that bitter cold air that turns cheeks rosy and noses numb. Having to wear gloves out of the potential of catching hypothermia rather than as a superfluous addition to my winter wardrobe is a very foreign yet ironically appealing concept.

For the last few weeks, or perhaps even longer, I have struggled to stay focussed, continually re-assessing my purpose here and grappling with praising God in the mundane and ordinary times. Clouded by homesickness and a need for familiar faces, change and excitement, I have felt that my days have merged into one, subsequently leaving me lethargic and unusually negative. Able to recognise that this is slightly out of character for me, I was nevertheless unable to pinpoint what had been the catalyst. On some reflection (although probably not enough) I put it down to simply ‘not being challenged enough.’  However, this is far from the truth.

I am slowly realising that one of the biggest challenges does not involve trying to see God in the sunset or the glistening sea or praising him in a room full of people with hands in the air belting out a Tim Hughes song; it is finding Him in our ordinary lives that causes us to stumble.  

As Christians, we boast of a life of fullness and joyfulness that comes from knowing Jesus Christ. But so often (I have discovered for myself) our joyfulness is unable to transcend ecstatic experiences and ‘Jesus moments’.  Perhaps we have become accustomed to relying on these transitory moments for a daily or weekly infusion of joy: we can so easily go to church, pour our hearts out to God, praise Him in song and prayer and simultaneously hope that this will be sufficient. Yet our everyday life can stay unchanged. Our frustration escalates. We long to get back to that place where Jesus was tangible.  I am not saying that there is something wrong with worshipping God wholeheartedly in church and allowing him to fill us with Joy there. There is a place, even a need, for that. However, if we begin to depend on this injection of Joy, then we will never really be challenged and our lives will not be transformed.

We are often encouraged to pray in the spirit, to raise our hands in the air, to cry tears of joy, as if those things alone bring us into a greater intimacy with God. ( Again, not trying to undermine connecting with God in this way.) What we really need is truth. We need to remember the affirmation of being grounded in God.  We need to pray, to soak ourselves in his word, and come back to this affirmation of love and rootedness to allow him to break through into the mundane experiences of our everyday lives. Only then will we know true Joy.

This is my prayer for this week.

Yesterday, exactly a year ago, I wrote myself an email. That sounds a bit peculiar I realize. The email, written on ‘futureme.com’ was set up to send to myself exactly one year later. The 14th of November 2010.

Until a few weeks ago, I’d forgotten all about it.

Life has passed so quickly since a year ago and changed dramatically. In 2010, I have lived in 3 different countries. THAT IS FLIPPING MENTAL.

Reading my lengthy( as always) email, however,showed me that, even though so much has changed, a lot has stayed the same. God is still guiding me through everyday challenges, I still struggle to listen to him, I still get stressed unnecessarily. But he is unfailingly loving and gracious. 2010 has had its low points, but it has been scattered with blessings: amazing friends, a new start, a wonderful relationship with an equally wonderful boyfriend,going new places, meeting new people, getting my year abroad sorted and being welcomed into a new home and a new country.

The email is a little long, some parts are either irrelevant, or I just don’t feel like telling them to tumblr. So here are the first few paragraphs.

‘You are currently listening to Newton Faulkner ‘Dream Catch me’ on intunes, in your little room ( which is currently a mess) in 38 Whinney Hill, Durham. When you read this, you are very unlikely to be in the UK let alone Durham. This scares you. But excites you even more. Hopefully you have settled in wherever you are and, if you remember to do nothing else, thank God for sorting everything out. Your life is in his hands. Stop worrying.
 
Speaking of life; yours is going fantastically. You are probably the happiest you’ve ever been whilst in Durham, yet also the most stressed. If you haven’t stop stressing by now, please do. It isn’t worthwhile, and in reality there isn’t a lot to stress about. Life is full of noise, constant motion, things to do and achieve, but sometimes it is okay to stop. Breathe. Think. Be still and enjoy the silence. Make time for yourself, and most of all, make time for God. Everything else, then, will surely fall into place.’